these feelings

ive been having these feelings lately. feelings of emptiness, feelings of despair. i dont know, ive just been kind of down lately. after having to deny that company my place in its company, it just went downhill from there. i guess i just got comfortable where i am, working a regular job, making money again, albiet a fraction of what i was making, its an income again. i really dont know what to do again, im barely surviving. i feel like im drowning, but not that kind of "out in the middle of the ocean with noo life raft" kind of drowning, im talking about the "i was knocked out and am now drowning in 3" of water" kind of drowning, the kind where youd be embarassed if people found out you died like that. i feel, stuck. like im in a rut, in a big rut, i did happen to hit a nice little high point in this rut, but now i feel like im at the lowest point in this "rut". i see no more high points, just a plateu of emptiness. the worst part if it is, is that i feel alone, very alone. i know you guys are there for me, you guys have been there for me more than every, and i thank you. but this feeling, this feeling of emptiness and lonliness, its horrible. i cant stand it, i really cant. that, and being pooped 24/7 doesnt help either, i know i have no right to complain, because all of you are either in school or are starting new careers, where am i? the smae place i was before i moved to TX, at a mcdonalds. and im aware, i put myself in this position. i chose to be here, it was my choice. now i get to suffer for them. but the thing is, i dont wanna suffer. i want to thrive, but its so hard, i really do wanna succeed. im at a loss right now, i truly am. and i dont know where to go.