Some Better News

I think im starting to feel better. i met with our store's franchise owner again the other night, he also brought our Vegas Promotional Manager with him, as well as our district manager and other higher-ups in our company. The owner pulled me aside personally and introduced me to all of them, and told me that i was doing a fantastic job in drive-thru and deemed me the "Drive-Thru King", bragging about how i was making near record sales. Personally, I was scared shitless. I met the owner once before, and that was during a store evaluation, which we passed with flying colors. I was so nervous and coming up with pre-determined answers for ever question that came to mind, but they all dissapeared when i came face-to-face with everyone. They asked me how i liked working there and about college, mainly just the usuall questions, but not in a 3rd degree type way. Then i polietly excused myself and went back to work, and my managers then gave me the 3rd degree, asking me what he asked me, what i said, what they were like. i was wondering, "havent you guys met these people?" but from their questions, i would say no.

Also, i asked my manager if i could switch sunday with someone else because i have family leaving that day, and she told me that i could just have the day off. i told her that i was already taking 4 days off for my sisters and my borthday, plus a concert, so i just wanted to switch. she says that i do so well at my job, that she would be more than happy to give me sunday off, that i was part of her A-team. When she said that, i was taken back almost. not once in my whole eintire life have i ever been part of an A-team, or even a winning team of any kind of significance. the fact that she told me that made my day. But today was a different story. I had to go in and train on a new coffee machine that we just bought, which also happens to be worth $16,000. but thats what im bitching about, my manager had introduced me to the training manager as one of her best drive-thru crew members. they are always bragging about how well i do in drive-thru, and its the only thing i do do when im there. she says im the strongest crew member in drive-thru because i have such great cistomer service skills, that mine are well above any other crew members' skill. it frustrated me to say the least, why? because i hate it when other people gloat or brag about me, especially infront of me. for me, its not an ego booster, its a sign of ignorance, that they have to brag about me to make their store look better. its one thing when i brag about myself, its another when someone i barely know does it for me. i dont like to brag about my job related skills, its just something i dont do, i find it highly unproffessional and very unsociable. i would much rather brag about my achievements throughout life, however few they may be, but atleast its not work.

in my personal opinion, if they spent as much time invested in me, than they do on the other crew members, then they would have other crew members up to skill level, or beyond. but the dont, they dont even try. the other day one kid got sent home after only being there for 2 hrs, and me being there for almost 6. granted i was the choice over him to stay, but i would have gladly gone home so he could work. its like the have me set on this fucking pedistal, and all i wanna do is jump off of it and give them the finger. its all so frustrating, all this business politics, i say bah-humbug and let me do my fucking job for christ sakes

these feelings

ive been having these feelings lately. feelings of emptiness, feelings of despair. i dont know, ive just been kind of down lately. after having to deny that company my place in its company, it just went downhill from there. i guess i just got comfortable where i am, working a regular job, making money again, albiet a fraction of what i was making, its an income again. i really dont know what to do again, im barely surviving. i feel like im drowning, but not that kind of "out in the middle of the ocean with noo life raft" kind of drowning, im talking about the "i was knocked out and am now drowning in 3" of water" kind of drowning, the kind where youd be embarassed if people found out you died like that. i feel, stuck. like im in a rut, in a big rut, i did happen to hit a nice little high point in this rut, but now i feel like im at the lowest point in this "rut". i see no more high points, just a plateu of emptiness. the worst part if it is, is that i feel alone, very alone. i know you guys are there for me, you guys have been there for me more than every, and i thank you. but this feeling, this feeling of emptiness and lonliness, its horrible. i cant stand it, i really cant. that, and being pooped 24/7 doesnt help either, i know i have no right to complain, because all of you are either in school or are starting new careers, where am i? the smae place i was before i moved to TX, at a mcdonalds. and im aware, i put myself in this position. i chose to be here, it was my choice. now i get to suffer for them. but the thing is, i dont wanna suffer. i want to thrive, but its so hard, i really do wanna succeed. im at a loss right now, i truly am. and i dont know where to go.

its been awhile

it has been, but i have stories as well as rants, to fill that ever so minuscule void in your life, that only i can fill, lol. well, lets see, what have i done? i think im slowly, but surely filling that void at work known as language. i practice it every day at work, trying to learn more and more, and peel away the adversity between me and the other employees. its so frustrating, working somewhere where two languages are spoken, and some people only know that one language, others try to learn, thankfully im onr of those people. there is only one person i can thank for this, mrs diangelo. my good ol' spanish teacher, from a good 3-4 years ago. i may not have payed much attention in class, but i payed enough to communicate, and i thank her for teaching it to me. i dont know if you guys can say this, but getting asked to bring the tea dispensers back, and mistaking "tea pot" with "coffee pot" is one of the most embarassing things i have been through in a long time. to have your manager and fellow employees laugh at you because YOU couldnt understand THEM.

i know for a fact that they wont make any attempt to try and build a bridge, so thats why i have to build it for them, so i can cross it, not them. im not trying to push myself on them, im trying to better understand them. it really urks me when people laugh at me, not because i made a joke or something, but because i failed at something. when they laughed at me for making that mistake, i wanted to leave, quit. right then and there, i would have thrown down my name tag and rubbed my hat into the floor. when is it EVER right to laugh at someone when they dont understand you? when is it EVER right for someone of authority, at your workplace, to mock you infront of other employees, openly, IN FRONT OF YOU?!?! that is what urks me, that is what pisses me off, is when someone of higher power mocks you due to ignorance. ill admit it, im ignorant to the spanish language and culture, but that doesnt give you the right to laugh at me because of it. ill be glad to see the day when that stupid bitch gets fired, and from what ive been hearing, its gonna be soon.

on to more positive things. umm, well theres only one i can think of off the top of my head, and that was getting my baby fixed. my baby Caroline, my car. i dont have a baby, just my car. i finally got her fixed. i need the brakes changed,, badly. and i guess i didnt know how badly enough. when i went to go and get my brakes changed, the original quote was going to be around $100 to get my brakes done, but when they took the tires off it was a whole different story. i guess i had worn into the rotars, and that was due to faulty calipers. so, on top of my brakes, i had to replace 2 calipers and 2 rotars, each costing about $100 a pop. so i ended up spending somewhere around $550. i know, i about shit myself as well. but thankfully i had my tax return in hand, and that happened to be about half. on top of it, i had to go and get my plates and license and changed as well, and getting the car smogged and inspected wasnt fun as well, poking and proding. it made me feel a little uneasy, knowing someone was doing something to my car that i didnt know how to do, but its there job, so i set those feelings aside. im just happy that my baby is back, so happy. i no longer have to use my sister's Carolla, which is small, and cramped. i drove it from bakersfield to texas, i wasnt to keen on driving the damned thing again.