Sunday, February 8, 2009
a side blog
so i started a side blog, pertaining to my new work life, which is quite funny. go read it. now. jewboy3000.blogspot.com
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
FUCK YOUR FRIES!!
AND FUCK MCDONALDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
today was the third time theyve had to send me home, due some sort of technical issue. first it was that they didnt have my uniform, understandable, then it was because they wanted to switch me to anothwer mcdonalds, ok thats cool, then they switched me back to the one im SUPPOSED to be working at now, now its because they dont have my uniform.
im done, i knew this jib was going to be to good to be true
but i applied to another place, they sounded promising
if i get this new job, its fuck you to mcdonalds
madcore
today was the third time theyve had to send me home, due some sort of technical issue. first it was that they didnt have my uniform, understandable, then it was because they wanted to switch me to anothwer mcdonalds, ok thats cool, then they switched me back to the one im SUPPOSED to be working at now, now its because they dont have my uniform.
im done, i knew this jib was going to be to good to be true
but i applied to another place, they sounded promising
if i get this new job, its fuck you to mcdonalds
madcore
Monday, February 2, 2009
rawr
so, ive been reading everyone's blogs lately, and they all seem kinda downer-ish. i know times are rough, and things look pretty grim, but go out and party. i did this weekend, and there is only one word to describe my past weekend, epic.
hold on little birdies, ill feed ya, lol
my sister in law invited me to a lingerie party on friday, so im like omf, naked people. the thought never crossed my mind of me being naked, but as it would be, i found myself strutting around this party for the most part, in my boxers and a t-shirt. it was so much fun, and yes, alcohol was involved. what is a college party without a keg and some jello shooters? stagnet and boring, thats what it is!!!! lol, i met 3 of the coolest girls in this whole town, and some very good looking ausies, emphasis on good looking, lol. so the party ended, amd i had no clue how i ended up on the couch with a half naked ausie on the floor next to me, and no we didnt do anything, im pretty sure i would have remembered something like that.
so i fix us some grub and make our way to the pool to chillax for a couple hours, after that we get invited to an ASU rugby party, intense? yes. it was amazing, but i was in no place to go looking for a man, i wasnt drunk enough to get my ass physically castrated in front of half of ASU's rugby team, but i once again met some really cool people.
all in all, i had an amazing weekend, im not going to write about sunday bc im still sulking :'(
hold on little birdies, ill feed ya, lol
my sister in law invited me to a lingerie party on friday, so im like omf, naked people. the thought never crossed my mind of me being naked, but as it would be, i found myself strutting around this party for the most part, in my boxers and a t-shirt. it was so much fun, and yes, alcohol was involved. what is a college party without a keg and some jello shooters? stagnet and boring, thats what it is!!!! lol, i met 3 of the coolest girls in this whole town, and some very good looking ausies, emphasis on good looking, lol. so the party ended, amd i had no clue how i ended up on the couch with a half naked ausie on the floor next to me, and no we didnt do anything, im pretty sure i would have remembered something like that.
so i fix us some grub and make our way to the pool to chillax for a couple hours, after that we get invited to an ASU rugby party, intense? yes. it was amazing, but i was in no place to go looking for a man, i wasnt drunk enough to get my ass physically castrated in front of half of ASU's rugby team, but i once again met some really cool people.
all in all, i had an amazing weekend, im not going to write about sunday bc im still sulking :'(
Thursday, January 29, 2009
in dire need of a hug
if hugs could be my drug, id be considered an addict. i crave physical contact, especially right now, in this time of my life. i almost lost my sister, but she is healing at a remarkable rate, a point to where it is almost unreal. i also just lost my father, no he is not dead, physically, but he is dead to me on an emotional sense. he kicked me to the curb for a daughter that is going to run away. and no, i do not blame her, but i thank her.
why?
she showed me how much of a sick and thoughtless man my sperm donor is. he is one of the most despicable people i know on this planet, no he may not kill children or anything like that, but he leads people on, getting your hopes so high, even helping you, egging them on, then he crushes everything down with only a few words. "then pack your shit and leave" were the last words he said to my face, and i felt like a dagger go right through my heart. it pains me to even write this, because i know i no longer have someone to call 'dad'. deep down i know ill go on, i have for the past 10 years of my life, but i need to get to that deep down feeling. my nerves and emotions have been scrapped raw this past month. getting kicked out 4 days before xmas, my little sister almost making my mom kill herself, my other sister almost dying, my father disowning me because im gay, and that was in 2 weeks!
i moved away to get away from the drama, i moved 2 FUCKING STATES AWAY, but it somehow keeps finding me, no matter how far i move. some days i wish life would just come up with a silver platter, and on that platter would be keys to my new house in seattle, my new career, and a picture of my one and true love. but i know that wont happen, never in my wildest dreams will that ever happen. nothing has come to me on a silver platter, not even a bronze one. i just wish life would ease up a bit on me. im trying so hard, i really am. i wish everyone could see how hard im working, struggling more like it. ive tried so hard to find a good job, a nice job that i could tolerate, but mcdonalds happened to be my savior.
been there. done that.
if people could stop being so effing stupid and greedy and hatefull, life would be so much better, so much. i know im asking for alot, but could we just put down the beer can, put out the cigarrette and be civalized for like 5 seconds? is it truly that hard for you to fucking grow up, and take the blame for what you and your fucking whore of a wife have caused? is it really that hard? ive taken fault for my past, and what ive done, why cant you? its not that hard, just say 'im sorry for being a fucking shitty dad, and never being there for you like i should have' and mean it with fuck sincerity, not just to make me feel better. i want you to feel what youve done to me, what youve made of me. i want you to feel what ive felt for the past 10 years. no, i take that back. if i made you feel that, youd kill yourself because youre so weak and pittyfull. no longer will you have the right to call me your son, tell me youre my father, because youve lost that right. but you know what the sad part is? i now longer have anyone to call dad. i know im gonna have some pretty effed up relationships because of that too. i also know if i blame you for this, ill just make the problem worse.
so here it is.
im sorry for being such a shitty son, im sorry for not trying to call you more often, im sorry for letting you get so drunk that youd hit mom. im sorry that you smoked to much crystal meth to go to work and pass your drug test. im sorry that you went to jail all those times for public disputes at bars. im sorry for not doing anything at all because i was only 8.
but the only thing im sincerly sorry for is that little voice in your head that would say 'you know this is wrong, so why are you doing it?' im sorry because you killed that little voice a long time ago, and thats why you are where you are now, in a little shitty town, in a little shitty house, in your little shitty life.
im done, good night
why?
she showed me how much of a sick and thoughtless man my sperm donor is. he is one of the most despicable people i know on this planet, no he may not kill children or anything like that, but he leads people on, getting your hopes so high, even helping you, egging them on, then he crushes everything down with only a few words. "then pack your shit and leave" were the last words he said to my face, and i felt like a dagger go right through my heart. it pains me to even write this, because i know i no longer have someone to call 'dad'. deep down i know ill go on, i have for the past 10 years of my life, but i need to get to that deep down feeling. my nerves and emotions have been scrapped raw this past month. getting kicked out 4 days before xmas, my little sister almost making my mom kill herself, my other sister almost dying, my father disowning me because im gay, and that was in 2 weeks!
i moved away to get away from the drama, i moved 2 FUCKING STATES AWAY, but it somehow keeps finding me, no matter how far i move. some days i wish life would just come up with a silver platter, and on that platter would be keys to my new house in seattle, my new career, and a picture of my one and true love. but i know that wont happen, never in my wildest dreams will that ever happen. nothing has come to me on a silver platter, not even a bronze one. i just wish life would ease up a bit on me. im trying so hard, i really am. i wish everyone could see how hard im working, struggling more like it. ive tried so hard to find a good job, a nice job that i could tolerate, but mcdonalds happened to be my savior.
been there. done that.
if people could stop being so effing stupid and greedy and hatefull, life would be so much better, so much. i know im asking for alot, but could we just put down the beer can, put out the cigarrette and be civalized for like 5 seconds? is it truly that hard for you to fucking grow up, and take the blame for what you and your fucking whore of a wife have caused? is it really that hard? ive taken fault for my past, and what ive done, why cant you? its not that hard, just say 'im sorry for being a fucking shitty dad, and never being there for you like i should have' and mean it with fuck sincerity, not just to make me feel better. i want you to feel what youve done to me, what youve made of me. i want you to feel what ive felt for the past 10 years. no, i take that back. if i made you feel that, youd kill yourself because youre so weak and pittyfull. no longer will you have the right to call me your son, tell me youre my father, because youve lost that right. but you know what the sad part is? i now longer have anyone to call dad. i know im gonna have some pretty effed up relationships because of that too. i also know if i blame you for this, ill just make the problem worse.
so here it is.
im sorry for being such a shitty son, im sorry for not trying to call you more often, im sorry for letting you get so drunk that youd hit mom. im sorry that you smoked to much crystal meth to go to work and pass your drug test. im sorry that you went to jail all those times for public disputes at bars. im sorry for not doing anything at all because i was only 8.
but the only thing im sincerly sorry for is that little voice in your head that would say 'you know this is wrong, so why are you doing it?' im sorry because you killed that little voice a long time ago, and thats why you are where you are now, in a little shitty town, in a little shitty house, in your little shitty life.
im done, good night
Monday, January 19, 2009
Gah
life seriously sucks right now. why??
i just found out my sister was emitted to the hospital last night due to first and second degree burns on her face and ears. she also inhaled some of the fire so it partially burned her lungs, so shes in the oxygen unit at shermans hospital down in la. theyre saying she will need surgery to removed some of the burnt skin on her face, and they will have to put her under because it will be too painfull if she was awake. i feel so bad right now for her, she was so self-concious about her face due to her acne before this, but im sure she wont even want to walk outside the house now, let alone go to school
there is one and only one person to blame for this, and his name is sean. he thought it would be a bright idea to dump some gasoline into a bon fire my sister was sitting next to. the bon fire exploded and burned my sister, also inaling the fire. i was shocked to find out that this had happened, i thought he would know better than to do something so idiotic, but ive been wrong about people before. im so worried and scared right now, thank god ill be there to see her this weekend.
to top all of this off, i have to testify in court against my dad, or the man im supposed to call my dad. i know how some of you a very close with your fathers, and have decent relationships with them, i just wish i could say the same. he divorced my mom when i was 8, and then left for texas. 3 years later he came back with the whore who is now known as my stepmother, already knocked up. he then left for texas three years after moving back to bakersfield. he never called, and if we did talk to him, we were the ones who called. hes never been there for me or my sisters, we always had to initiate anything remotely concerning a relationship with him. thats why i have no remorse testifying against him in court. im sure things would be different if he would have had the backbone to try and have a relationship with us, but he doesnt because hes nothing but a worthless worm. say what you want about having a father in your life, but ive come this far without one, im sure i can go on in life without him as well.
im just done with life right now at the moment, nothing positive has hapened to me other than the mcd's job, which will get its own blog, but my battery is dying, so im off. peace and love
i just found out my sister was emitted to the hospital last night due to first and second degree burns on her face and ears. she also inhaled some of the fire so it partially burned her lungs, so shes in the oxygen unit at shermans hospital down in la. theyre saying she will need surgery to removed some of the burnt skin on her face, and they will have to put her under because it will be too painfull if she was awake. i feel so bad right now for her, she was so self-concious about her face due to her acne before this, but im sure she wont even want to walk outside the house now, let alone go to school
there is one and only one person to blame for this, and his name is sean. he thought it would be a bright idea to dump some gasoline into a bon fire my sister was sitting next to. the bon fire exploded and burned my sister, also inaling the fire. i was shocked to find out that this had happened, i thought he would know better than to do something so idiotic, but ive been wrong about people before. im so worried and scared right now, thank god ill be there to see her this weekend.
to top all of this off, i have to testify in court against my dad, or the man im supposed to call my dad. i know how some of you a very close with your fathers, and have decent relationships with them, i just wish i could say the same. he divorced my mom when i was 8, and then left for texas. 3 years later he came back with the whore who is now known as my stepmother, already knocked up. he then left for texas three years after moving back to bakersfield. he never called, and if we did talk to him, we were the ones who called. hes never been there for me or my sisters, we always had to initiate anything remotely concerning a relationship with him. thats why i have no remorse testifying against him in court. im sure things would be different if he would have had the backbone to try and have a relationship with us, but he doesnt because hes nothing but a worthless worm. say what you want about having a father in your life, but ive come this far without one, im sure i can go on in life without him as well.
im just done with life right now at the moment, nothing positive has hapened to me other than the mcd's job, which will get its own blog, but my battery is dying, so im off. peace and love
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Thank godd For McDonalds
im not even kidding you, those losers hired me right on the spot, i was so excited, but depressed at the same time.
why you ask?
im working at mcdonlads
again
nuff said
atleast now im getting some cash flow again. but as soon as i find a better paying job, its adios mcshitters
hahahahaha
why you ask?
im working at mcdonlads
again
nuff said
atleast now im getting some cash flow again. but as soon as i find a better paying job, its adios mcshitters
hahahahaha
Thursday, January 15, 2009
The Thoughts That Hurts Us
Over the past several weeks, ive had memories come back to me, hurtful and painful memories. i dont know why they came back, but they did. it gave me a huge migraine and almost made me vomit. why do we keep those memories around? when i make a major mistake, i make sure to remember it, so that i wont do something like that again, and try to learn from it. those scars are emoti0onal and physical. these memories are different, they haunt me, but i dont know why. i usually let things like this go, but i cant. it hurt so bad, and i felt digusted with myself after it happened, not even a searing hot shower could wash away the filth that was covering my body. the memories of that event came back when i was visiting bako a couple weeks ago, when i went to go visit him. i was on speaking terms with him again, but i knew deep down inside i just felt sorry for him, and that was the only reaqson i kept on talking to him. atleast thats what i keep on telling myself. he took adavntage of my carring personality, and used it against me. i cant say what he did, but he did it, and i have so me regret being with him. he was always a black hole of happiness, always knew how to make me feel like shit, and bend my will. it makes me sick to think about what happened, but i need to get over it, and this seems to be helping. well kidos, its time for daddy to go and make dinner, peace and good will my friends
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